How To Show Your Partner They're Loved, Based On Their Love Language

In relationships, people tend to show love to a partner in the way they’d personally most like to receive it. For example, those of us who need a big bear hug when we’re stressed might assume our partners would want the same. In reality, they may wish we had helped them cross something off their never-ending to-do list instead.

This presumptive approach can be ineffective because we all have different preferences when it comes to what makes us feel loved and cared for. Gary Chapman ― a pastor, speaker and author who has been married for more than 50 years ― explored this concept in his 1992 New York Times bestseller The 5 Love Languages, which has sold more than 11 million copies to date. (If you haven’t taken the quiz to determine your love language yet, you can do that here.)

In the book, he outlines the five love languages: words of affirmation, acts of service, receiving gifts, quality time and physical touch.

“After many years of counseling couples in crisis and taking notes during each session, I sat down one day and began thinking about what it takes for a person to feel loved,” Chapman told HuffPost. “It became apparent to me that what makes one person feel loved isn’t always the same for their spouse or partner. I discovered every person understands and receives love in a specific language, one of five to be precise. The other four are just as important and offer [other] ways to express love to each other.”

Taking the time to learn and really understand your partner’s primary love language, which is often different than your own, can improve communication and strengthen your bond.

Read more here for some little ways you can remind your partner just how loved he or she is, based on their primary love language.